The Unwedding: Why Every Woman Deserves Her Own Mad Hatter's Ball (No Groom Required)
- Ash A Milton
- Sep 11
- 7 min read
A Very Merry Guide to Celebrating Yourself in the Most Fabulous Way Possible
"Take more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. "I've had nothing yet," Alice replied, "so I can't take more." "You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter. "It's very easy to take more than nothing."
And isn't that just the point? Why should we settle for nothing when we could have more? Much more. Specifically, more cake, more champagne, more gorgeous gowns, and infinitely more celebration of the magnificent creature that is YOU.
Welcome to the Unwedding Movement, darling readers of the book wh0r3 universe—where we're flipping the script on traditional celebrations and throwing the most spectacular parties for an audience of one: ourselves.
What in Wonderland is an Unwedding?
Picture this: You're walking down a stunning aisle scattered with rose petals, wearing the dress of your dreams (yes, the one that costs more than a small car), while your favorite people cheer you on. There's champagne flowing, a cake that's an actual work of art, dancing until your feet hurt in the most beautiful way, and speeches about how amazing you are. The only thing missing? The groom.
Because honey, you don't need a man to justify throwing yourself the party you deserve.
The Unwedding is Alice's Unbirthday Party grown up and dressed to the nines. Remember when the Mad Hatter explained that there are 364 unbirthday days in a year, making them infinitely more common and therefore more worth celebrating than that one measly birthday? Well, apply that logic to weddings, and you've got 365 days a year (366 in leap years—we're thorough here) when you could be celebrating your unwedding.
It's a celebration of independence, of self-love, of reaching a milestone, of surviving another year in this chaotic world, or simply of being fabulous enough to deserve champagne on a Tuesday. The beauty of the unwedding is that you don't need a reason beyond existing as your magnificent self. As a Book Wh0r3, you are already aware - no man required!
The Anatomy of a Perfect Unwedding
The Dress Code: Pure Fantasy
Forget the "save it for a special occasion" mentality. YOU are the special occasion. Whether it's a ballgown that makes you feel like Belle in the Beast's library, a sleek number that channels your inner CEO sorceress, or that vintage piece you've been saving for "someday"—someday is today, darling.
The unwedding dress doesn't have to be white (unless you want it to be). It doesn't have to be traditional. It just has to make you feel like the protagonist of your own story. Because guess what? You are.
The Venue: Your Queendom
Your unwedding can be anywhere your heart desires. A botanical garden where you can channel your inner Poison Ivy? Perfect. A bookstore after hours, surrounded by all your literary loves? Divine. Your own backyard transformed into a fairy tale setting? Magical. A rooftop with city lights twinkling like stars? Absolutely stunning.
The only rule is that it should feel like you. This isn't about impressing anyone else's Pinterest board—it's about creating a space where you can celebrate yourself authentically.
The Guest List: Your Chosen Family and Friends
Invite the people who genuinely celebrate your victories, who've seen you at your worst and still think you're incredible, who understand that life is too short not to throw parties for absolutely no reason other than joy. These are the people who will ugly cry during your "I choose me" speech and mean every tear.
Or, plot twist: make it a party of one. Sometimes the best company is your own, a good book, and a bottle of something that makes you feel fancy.
Or, big twist: celebrate at a random diner, on the street, or any public venue. Just have fun.
The Ceremony: Vows to Yourself
This is where the magic happens. Write vows to yourself. Promise to take yourself on adventures. Vow to buy yourself flowers just because it's Tuesday. Commit to defending your own dreams as fiercely as you'd defend a friend's. Pledge to rest without guilt, to take up space without apology, and to love yourself with the intensity of a Jane Austen heroine.
Read these vows aloud. Let them sink in. Let your people witness you promising to be your own advocate, your own cheerleader, your own love story.
The Literary Inspiration Behind the Movement
The concept of the unwedding draws from a rich tapestry of literary rebellions against conventional expectations. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland showed us that the most interesting parties happen when you throw the rulebook out the window entirely. The Mad Hatter's tea party isn't bound by conventional time, social expectations, or even basic logic—it's pure celebration for celebration's sake.
But Alice isn't the only literary inspiration for this movement. Think about the fierce independence of characters like Miss Marple, who solved mysteries and lived her best life without ever needing a husband to validate her brilliance. Consider Nancy Drew, that eternally eighteen sleuth who was too busy cracking cases and driving her blue roadster to worry about wedding bells. Or celebrate Kinsey Millhone from Sue Grafton's alphabet mysteries—a private investigator who chose adventure, independence, and solving crimes over settling down.
Even better, let's honor the real women who blazed these trails: Jane Austen, Emily Bronte and Emily Dickinson, who chose their art over marriage and gave us some of literature's greatest works in the process. Emily Dickinson was known to be reclusive. It's not really a surprise that she never married. She never really hid her views on marriage, and her poetry celebrates the inner life and personal freedom that an unwedding embodies perfectly.
Book Recommendations to Fuel Your Unwedding Spirit
For the Independent Queen:
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert - The ultimate journey of a woman discovering herself through solo travel and self-discovery
Wild by Cheryl Strayed - A woman hiking 1,100 miles alone to heal and find herself after life falls apart
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert - A celebration of creative courage and living beyond fear, perfect for embracing your artistic independence
For the Fantasy Sorceress:
The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon - Epic fantasy with powerful women who don't need romance to save the world
The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang - A dark fantasy following a woman who chooses power and purpose over conventional expectations
She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan - A reimagining of the founding of the Ming Dynasty with a woman who refuses to accept the life others planned for her
For the Contemporary Rebel:
My Education by Susan Choi - A woman's journey of self-discovery and sexual awakening outside traditional boundaries
The Power by Naomi Alderman - What happens when women literally hold all the power? A thrilling exploration of female strength
Untamed by Glennon Doyle - A memoir about breaking free from others' expectations and living authentically as yourself
The Unwedding Reception: A Night to Remember
The reception is where inhibitions go to die and joy takes over. This is your night to dance like nobody's watching (because honestly, everyone's too busy having fun to judge your moves). Create a playlist that tells your story—songs that make you feel powerful, nostalgic, giddy, and absolutely unstoppable.
The cake? It should be everything you've ever wanted in a cake. Seven layers? Go for it. Shaped like a book? Literary perfection. Covered in edible flowers? You're a romantic at heart. The point is, it's YOUR cake, and you can have it however you want it.
Speeches should be mandatory—from friends, family, and most importantly, from you. Let people tell you how much you mean to them. Tell yourself how proud you are of everything you've survived and achieved. Toast to your past selves who brought you here, and to your future self who's about to embark on even more adventures.
The Revolution Will Be Celebrated
The unwedding movement isn't about rejecting love or partnership—it's about rejecting the idea that celebration, joy, and elaborate parties should be contingent on someone else's participation. It's about recognizing that you are worthy of celebration exactly as you are, right now, in this moment.
It's about understanding that self-love isn't selfish—it's revolutionary. In a world that profits from your insecurity, choosing to celebrate yourself is a radical act of rebellion.
Some people might not understand your unwedding. They might ask awkward questions or make uncomfortable jokes. That's their issue to work through, not yours. You'll be too busy dancing in your dream dress, surrounded by people who love you, celebrating the most important relationship you'll ever have—the one with yourself.
Planning Your Own Unwedding
Start small if you need to. Maybe it's just you, a fancy dress, and a really good bottle of wine in your living room. Maybe it's a picnic in your prettiest sundress with your favorite book and some cupcakes. The scale doesn't matter—the intention does.
Or go completely over the top. Rent a venue, hire a photographer, get the full hair and makeup experience, invite everyone you love, and throw the party you've always dreamed of. You don't need anyone's permission to celebrate yourself extravagantly.
Go in with a group of sisters. Celebrate each other and share the costs. Host an Unwedding gala as a charity event. The only limit is your imagination.
The unwedding is yours to define, yours to create, and yours to enjoy. It's about time we normalized the idea that women don't need external validation to deserve beautiful things, celebratory moments, and rooms full of people cheering for them.
After all, as Alice learned in Wonderland, the best adventures happen when you stop waiting for someone else to invite you to the party and start throwing your own instead.
So raise a glass to yourself, darling readers. You've made it this far, you've survived everything life has thrown at you, and you're still here, still growing, still becoming. That deserves the biggest, most beautiful, most joy-filled celebration you can imagine.
Welcome to your unwedding. Population: you and everyone lucky enough to celebrate alongside you.
Now, who wants cake?
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