The Brutal Reality of "Traditional Marriage": A Global History of Women's Subjugation
- Ash A Milton
- Oct 15
- 14 min read
When people invoke "traditional marriage," they rarely invoke reality. They imagine a romanticized past of stable families and clearly defined roles, but the historical truth—across cultures and continents—tells a far different story. Understanding this global history isn't about condemning the past; it's about recognizing the systemic oppression women faced and why protecting our hard-won rights today is a fight for our very freedom.
The Economic Transaction: Marriage as Property Transfer Worldwide
For most of human history across all continents, marriage was not a romantic partnership between equals. It was an economic and political arrangement between families, designed to consolidate wealth, power, and social standing. From ancient Mesopotamia to imperial China, from feudal Europe to precolonial Africa, marriage functioned as a transfer of property—and women were often the property being transferred.
Dowries in Europe and Asia
Dowries have been documented in records dating back to around 2300 BC in ancient Babylon, and the practice spread throughout Europe, the Middle East, and parts of Asia. In these systems, the bride's family paid money or goods to the groom or his family. Ancient Romans and Athenian Greeks did not allow women to own property, and widows needed a male relative to administer their estate, which included the dowry. Even money ostensibly given "for" the bride became controlled by men.
In East Asia, arranged marriages were the norm in China, Japan, and Korea well into the 20th century, with laws changing between 1947-1950 but persisting in practice for decades afterward. In Ming and Qing dynasty China, marriage matchmakers bonded influential families into powerful households, expanding clan strength through strategic marriages. Young women had no say in these arrangements that determined their entire futures.
In China, the practice of foot binding—which deliberately broke and bound young girls' feet to create the "ideal" tiny foot that hobbled women and made them dependent—was only banned by the government in 1912. This practice, which caused lifelong pain and disability, was directly tied to marriageability. Women with bound feet were considered more desirable brides, their physical limitation a sign of status and their inability to walk freely ensuring they remained confined to domestic spaces.
Bride Price in Africa
In many African societies, the system worked differently but with similar effects on women's autonomy. Lobolo, lobola, or bride price—known by various names across the continent including mahadi, mahari, magadi, bogadi, lovola, mamalo, and roora—involved the prospective husband or his family giving property, often livestock, to the bride's family.
While bride price represents acknowledgment of union between families and gratitude for raising the daughter, and demonstrates the groom's ability to provide, the practice has complex implications for women's status. In some contexts, the payment creates an expectation that the woman now "belongs" to her husband's family, having been purchased. This can make it extremely difficult for women to leave abusive marriages, as families may be expected to "return" the bride price.
The bride herself had little say in these arrangements across all these systems. Young women—often girls as young as twelve or thirteen—were married off to men chosen by their families. These decisions were made based on family alliances, economic advantage, and social positioning, not on the bride's desires, compatibility with her future husband, or even her consent.
Life in the Husband's Household: A Global Pattern of Servitude
Across continents, traditional marriage systems typically required women to leave their birth families and join their husbands' households. This patrilocal residence pattern was nearly universal—from rural China to India, from sub-Saharan Africa to the Middle East, from Southern Europe to indigenous Australia.
This meant a young bride found herself among strangers, often in a village or region far from her family, completely dependent on her husband's relatives for her survival and wellbeing. Within these households, hierarchy was strict and punishing. The mother-in-law, having once occupied the lowest position herself, often became the enforcer of family expectations.
In China, Japan, and Korea, young brides learned their duties under the sometimes harsh instruction of their husband's mother. In many African contexts, the youngest or newest wife occupied the bottom of the household hierarchy. Across India, daughters-in-law faced rigid expectations and, in some cases, ongoing demands for additional payments from their families.
The isolation young brides experienced was universal. Cut off from their families, living among people who viewed them as outsiders and servants, these women had no recourse if mistreated. They couldn't leave—they had nowhere to go. Their survival depended entirely on pleasing their husband and his family.
The Legal Reality: Women as Non-Persons
Throughout most of history and across most cultures, married women had no legal identity separate from their husbands. Under British common law and similar systems adopted worldwide, the doctrine of "coverture" meant that upon marriage, a woman's legal existence was "covered" by her husband. Similar legal frameworks existed in China, Japan, the Middle East, Africa, and indigenous societies globally.
Women could not own property, sign contracts, keep their own earnings, or even have legal custody of their own children. If a woman inherited money or property before marriage, it became her husband's upon their wedding. If she worked outside the home, her wages legally belonged to her husband. She could not sue or be sued independently. She could not obtain credit or conduct business. In every legal sense, she was erased, existing only as an extension of her husband.
This legal non-existence meant women had no recourse against abusive husbands. A man could beat his wife with impunity—it was considered his right to "discipline" her across cultures worldwide. He could rape her—the concept of marital rape didn't exist legally because wives were considered to give permanent sexual consent upon marriage. He could take her children, squander her inheritance, confine her to the home, and control every aspect of her existence.
These weren't occasional abuses by bad men—these were legal rights granted to husbands over their wives globally. "Traditional marriage" was, by modern standards, legalized subjugation across continents and cultures.
The Rise of Companionate Marriage: A Revolutionary Shift
Against this backdrop of thousands of years of patriarchal marriage traditions worldwide, the early 20th century saw the emergence of a radically different concept. The term "companionate marriage" was created in 1924 by Dr. Melvin M. Knight, a professor of history at Barnard College, to describe marriage meant for companionship rather than solely for procreation.
This idea—that marriage should be based on mutual affection, respect, and partnership rather than economic necessity and rigid role division—was genuinely revolutionary. Marriage transformed from a patriarchal, procreative institution into a relationship premised on equal sexual desires and mutual emotional fulfillment.
The companionate marriage ideal included radical proposals for its time: sex education, access to birth control so couples could choose if and when to have children, and the possibility of mutual consent for divorce when marriages failed. These concepts directly challenged the traditional model where women had no control over their reproductive lives and no exit from unhappy or abusive marriages.
This shift didn't happen in a vacuum. It was driven by the first wave of feminism, by women's suffrage movements worldwide, by changing economic conditions that made women's labor outside the home more visible and valued, and by evolving social attitudes. Women fought for these changes—and many people, both men and women, resisted fiercely.
The Indian Dowry Crisis: A Contemporary Atrocity
While dowry practices declined in most Western societies during the 19th and 20th centuries, they remain devastatingly relevant in South Asia today. Dowries continue to be expected and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal in some parts of the world, mainly in parts of Asia.
In India, despite the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 making the practice illegal, dowry is covertly practiced and women are oppressed and tortured in the name of dowry within their husband's families. The groom's family often makes escalating demands for cash, jewelry, vehicles, and household goods. When families cannot meet these demands, brides face horrific consequences.
Dowry-related violence remains a significant problem. Women are subjected to emotional abuse, physical violence, and in extreme cases, murder—sometimes disguised as kitchen accidents or suicides. These "dowry deaths" represent some of the most brutal manifestations of treating women as commodities whose value is measured in material goods their families can provide.
Female Genital Mutilation: The Most Brutal Physical Control
Among the most devastating practices tied to traditional marriage systems is female genital mutilation (FGM). More than 230 million girls and women alive today have undergone FGM in 30 countries in Africa, the Middle East and Asia where FGM is practiced, with most procedures carried out on young girls between infancy and age 15.
The largest share of the global burden is found in African countries, with over 144 million cases, followed by over 80 million in Asia and over 6 million in the Middle East. In a 2013 UNICEF report covering 29 countries, Egypt had the highest total number of women who had undergone FGM (27 million), while Somalia had the highest prevalence at 98%.
FGM involves the partial or complete removal of external female genitalia or other injury to female genital organs for non-medical reasons. The practice has no health benefits and causes severe bleeding, problems urinating, infections, complications in childbirth, increased risk of newborn deaths, and lifelong psychological trauma.
This practice is directly tied to marriage and patriarchal control of women's sexuality. In communities where FGM is practiced, it is often considered necessary to ensure a girl's marriageability. The procedure is intended to reduce women's sexual desire, ensure virginity before marriage, and prevent "promiscuity" afterward. It is a brutal form of control over women's bodies and sexuality, performed on girls too young to consent, with lifelong consequences.
FGM is a violation of the human rights of girls and women. While progress is being made in countries like Sierra Leone, Ethiopia, and Burkina Faso, millions of girls remain at risk. The practice continues in diaspora communities worldwide, including in Western countries where it is illegal.
The Biological Burden: Childbirth as Deadly Risk
While modern sensibilities might romanticize large families of the past, the reality for women globally was far grimmer. Women typically bore seven to eight children during their reproductive years, often more. Pregnancy and childbirth dominated decades of their lives, beginning in their teens and continuing until menopause or death.
These deaths weren't quick or painless. Women died of hemorrhage, infection, obstructed labor, eclampsia, and countless complications we can now easily prevent or treat. They died in agony, often over days, leaving behind motherless children and devastated families. Every pregnancy was a gamble with death, whether in rural China, West Africa, indigenous Australia, or Western Europe.
In high-income countries today, the maternal mortality ratio stands at 1 in 7,933, compared to 1 in 66 in low-income countries. This significant disparity highlights both the progress achieved and the challenges that persist, especially for women in areas without access to modern medical care. In the United States, "abortion laws" are directly influencing and raising the rate of maternal deaths during childbirth for the first time in fifty years.
The constant cycle of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, and early childhood care left women physically exhausted, often chronically ill, and aged far beyond their years. Combined with hard physical labor, poor nutrition, and lack of medical care, many women died young or lived in constant pain and disability. This was the universal experience of women under traditional marriage systems worldwide.
The Past Century: Dramatic Changes in Women's Lives Globally
The transformation of women's status over the past hundred years represents one of the most rapid social changes in human history. In many parts of the world, women have gained rights that would have been unthinkable to their great-grandmothers:
Political Rights: Women can now vote, hold office, serve on juries, and participate fully in civic life in most countries. In the United States, women gained the right to vote in 1920. New Zealand granted women's suffrage in 1893, Australia in 1902. Many countries didn't grant women voting rights until much later—Switzerland in 1971, Kuwait in 2005.
Economic Independence: Women can own property, sign contracts, obtain credit, start businesses, and keep their own earnings in many countries. They can pursue careers and support themselves financially, making marriage a choice rather than an economic necessity.
Reproductive Freedom: Access to birth control and family planning has given women unprecedented control over their reproductive lives in many regions. Women can now choose if, when, and how many children to have. This single change has transformed women's possibilities more than almost any other factor.
Legal Personhood: Married women now maintain their legal identity in many countries, can own property separately from their husbands, have equal custody rights over their children, and can seek legal recourse against domestic violence and marital rape.
Educational Access: Women can pursue education at all levels in most countries, from primary school through advanced degrees. This access to knowledge and credentialing has opened doors previously barred to them.
Choice in Marriage: In many societies, women can now choose their own spouses, marry for love, remain single without social stigma, or leave marriages that are unhappy or abusive.
These changes haven't happened everywhere equally, and even where they're enshrined in law, practical equality often lags behind. But the direction of change is undeniable—and it's toward greater freedom, autonomy, and dignity for women.
The Ongoing Struggle: Why Women Are Still Fighting
Understanding this global history makes clear why women react so strongly to rhetoric about "traditional values" or returning to "how things used to be." When people advocate for "traditional marriage," women hear—often correctly—a call to return to a system where they were property, where they had no legal rights, where they were trapped in marriages they didn't choose, where they faced constant pregnancy without access to medical care, where their bodies were mutilated to control their sexuality, and where abuse had no consequences.
This isn't paranoia or overreaction. It's an informed understanding of what "traditional marriage" actually meant for women throughout most of history across all continents and cultures.
Even today, millions of women remain trapped in systems that mirror these historical injustices:
Afghanistan: Under Taliban rule, women are forbidden education, employment, and freedom of movement. They cannot leave their homes without male guardians, cannot access healthcare, and have no legal rights. Their situation represents "traditional marriage" taken to its logical extreme—complete subjugation. During a recent earthquake women were left to die in the ruble because no man would touch them.
Child Marriage: Despite international efforts, child marriage remains common in many regions globally to include the USA. Young girls—some as young as nine or ten—are married to adult men, often through forced arrangements. These children face immediate pregnancy, interrupted education, domestic servitude, and abuse.
Female Genital Mutilation: As discussed, over 230 million women and girls alive today have undergone this brutal practice, and millions more remain at risk. Communities continue performing FGM on young girls to ensure their "marriageability" and control their sexuality.
Sex Trafficking: Millions of women and girls worldwide are trapped in forced prostitution and sexual slavery. This brutal industry treats women as commodities to be bought, sold, and used—the most extreme manifestation of viewing women as property. Several prominent cases are currently ongoing in the USA.
Domestic Violence: Even in countries with strong legal protections, domestic violence remains pervasive globally. Women are injured and killed by intimate partners at alarming rates, and many face economic, social, and legal barriers to leaving abusive relationships. IPV is the leading cause of death for women ages 15–44 in the USA.
Reproductive Coercion: In many places, women still lack access to birth control, face forced pregnancy, or are pressured to undergo sterilization or abortion against their will. Control over women's reproductive capacity remains a tool of oppression worldwide and is increasing in the United States of America.
Dowry Violence and Bride Price Abuses: The economic transactions surrounding marriage continue to harm women, whether through dowry-related murders in South Asia or situations where bride price creates a sense of ownership that traps women in abusive marriages in parts of Africa.
The fight for women's rights isn't over—it's ongoing, urgent, and necessary across the globe.
Learning Better, Doing Better: Moving Forward Together
Understanding the true global history of "traditional marriage" doesn't mean condemning everyone who lived in the past or dismissing entire cultures. Our ancestors operated within the systems available to them, and many people—both men and women—were kind, loving, and did their best within severe constraints. Cultural practices developed in specific contexts and held meaning for communities.
But we cannot romanticize or idealize oppressive systems, regardless of where they originated. Systems built on fundamental inequality caused immense suffering across all continents and cultures. They denied millions of women basic human dignity and rights. Acknowledging this isn't about cultural judgment—it's about recognizing universal human rights.
As we move forward, we need several things:
Historical Honesty: We must teach accurate history about women's experiences globally, not sanitized versions that erase their suffering and struggles across different cultures and regions.
Continued Vigilance: Rights gained can be lost anywhere. Women must remain alert to efforts—whether explicit or subtle—to roll back their freedoms and autonomy, whether in the Global North or Global South.
Global Solidarity: Women in free societies have an obligation to support their sisters still trapped in oppressive systems. This means advocating for policy changes, supporting organizations working for women's rights worldwide, and refusing to ignore injustices happening elsewhere. We must fight against FGM, child marriage, dowry violence, bride price abuses, and all forms of gender-based oppression.
Male Allies: Men must be educated to understand this history and actively support equality globally. The partnership model of modern marriage benefits everyone—men as well as women and children. Men who understand the horror of patriarchal marriage systems worldwide become powerful advocates for change.
Cultural Sensitivity with Moral Clarity: We can respect cultural traditions while also maintaining that basic human rights—bodily autonomy, freedom from violence, legal personhood, choice in marriage—are universal and non-negotiable. No cultural tradition justifies mutilating girls' genitals, forcing children into marriage, or denying women legal rights.
Empathy and Compassion: We must approach these conversations with empathy—for women suffering now, for those who suffered in the past, and even for people struggling to understand why these issues matter so deeply.
Commitment to Partnership: Modern marriage, at its best, is a true partnership between equals who choose each other, support each other, and build a life together based on mutual respect and affection. This is the ideal worth preserving and promoting globally—not the patriarchal systems of the past.
Conclusion: Honoring Progress, Continuing the Work
When viewed against four thousand years of patriarchal marriage structures across all continents and cultures, the past century represents an extraordinary flowering of women's freedom and dignity in many parts of the world. Women can vote, own property, control their reproductive lives, pursue education and careers, and choose their own partners. These are victories worth celebrating.
Feminism is not without flaws, and we are continuously learning. There is still a significant amount of work to be done—both in furthering women's rights in places where they are already recognized and in advocating for fundamental human rights for women still living under oppressive systems. We must strive to eliminate FGM, child marriage, dowry violence, and all forms of gender-based oppression wherever they occur. We need to understand how to raise boys in a world with empowered women and prevent them from becoming part of the adult men facing loneliness. It's crucial to break the cycle of patriarchy and allow them to "feel" and develop deep emotional connections, rather than suppressing all but the most negative and aggressive emotions.
The concept of marriage as a partnership between equals is barely a century old—a blink of an eye in historical terms. We're still learning what true equality looks like, still working out how to balance individual rights with family bonds, still discovering how to create relationships where both partners can thrive.
What we cannot do is go backward anywhere. We cannot return to systems that treated women as property, denied them autonomy, controlled their bodies through practices like FGM and foot binding, and erased their legal existence. When people invoke "traditional marriage" without understanding what that term actually meant for women throughout history across all cultures, they advocate—knowingly or not—for systems of oppression.
Understanding this global history helps us recognize that basic human rights—the right to bodily autonomy, to legal personhood, to choose one's own path in life, to be free from violence and coercion—are not negotiable. They're not "Western values" or "cultural imperialism." They're fundamental human dignity, which was denied to women globally for millennia and which must be protected and extended to all women everywhere.
We need allies in this work—people of all genders and from all cultures who understand that no human should be forced to serve another, that practices like FGM have no place in any society, that marriage should be a chosen partnership between equals, and that women's rights are human rights. Together, we can continue building a world where the term "traditional marriage" is understood in its full historical context across all cultures—and where we choose instead to create marriages based on love, respect, and equality.
Let's learn better. Let's do better. And let's ensure that the hard-won freedoms of the past century are never taken for granted or allowed to slip away, anywhere in the world.
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