A Moment of Silince

As a Book Wh0r3 I rarely address men or men's issues - no man required. However, recent events have prompted me to speak to boys and young men in today's society. We share the same world, and while men aren't essential for a woman's happiness, I believe we all wish to see our sons, nephews, cousins, brothers, fathers, uncles, grandfathers, and friends thrive mentally and emotionally.

I would like to take a moment to recognize the tragic loss of lives and the impact of school shootings. These horrific events are often perpetrated by young men. On September 10th, a sixteen-year-old boy shot at others before ending his own life, while a twenty-two-year-old man is detained for the killing of a podcaster at a university campus event. In the last forty years, 97% of school shootings in the USA have been committed by men. It is unimaginable what a mother experiences when she sees her son's name in one of these headlines.

During this same forty year timeframe feminism has finally began to see positive results. Women are able to have bank accounts, take out loans, and domestic violence is finally illegal in all states and territories in the USA. There is still a lot of work to do in the USA to address child marriage laws and ensure the rights for women's reproductive health, but overall we are doing much better than fifty years ago.

The aim of feminism has never been to harm boys. However, as women fought for their freedom and autonomy, the effects on boys, once they became men in a world where women had gained freedom, were not heavily considered. Given that patriarchy has been the dominant global model for over 4,000 years, this shift is quite new.

Now as the next generation of boys are being raised we have a wonderful opportunity. We can follow the wise advice from Maya Angelou.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better"

The Oxygen Mask Moment: How Women's Progress Can Lift the Next Generation of Boys

There's a moment on every flight when the flight attendant delivers those familiar safety instructions: "In the event of cabin pressure loss, oxygen masks will drop. Put on your own mask first before helping others." For decades, this has been the story of women's rights and feminism—women learning to breathe freely, to secure their own oxygen masks, before they could effectively help anyone else.

And breathe we have. For the first time in American history, women are outpacing men in college graduation rates, earning approximately 60% of all degrees. We're starting businesses at record rates, breaking through glass ceilings in boardrooms, laboratories, and courtrooms. We're choosing when and if to have children, pursuing careers that fulfill us, and demanding partnerships built on equality rather than dependence—or choosing fulfilling lives as single women.

This progress is something to celebrate—unequivocally. The women who fought for these freedoms, often at great personal cost, have given us a gift that continues to transform society. But as we adjust our own oxygen masks and take those first full breaths of freedom, we're beginning to see something troubling in our peripheral vision: many young men and boys are struggling to breathe.

 "Put on your own mask first before helping others.

The Unexpected Consequences of Progress

The statistics paint a concerning picture. Young men are falling behind academically, with college enrollment gaps widening each year. They're experiencing higher rates of depression, anxiety, and social isolation. Suicide rates among young men remain alarmingly high. Many report feeling directionless, struggling to find their place in a rapidly changing world where traditional masculine roles no longer provide clear roadmaps for success and identity.

This isn't about nostalgia for a time when women's opportunities were limited—that's not the solution, nor should it be. Instead, we're witnessing the growing pains of a society in transition, where old scripts no longer serve anyone well, but new ones haven't fully emerged.

For generations, many men derived their sense of purpose and identity from being providers, protectors, and decision-makers in their families and communities. These roles, while often limiting for women, provided men with clear pathways to meaning and respect.

As women have rightfully claimed their independence and equality, some of these traditional structures have dissolved without being replaced by healthier alternatives.

The result? Many young men find themselves in a cultural vacuum, unsure how to be valuable partners to independent women—or how to find fulfillment if partnership isn't their path. They're unclear about their purpose in relationships and society, and often receiving mixed or confusing messages about masculinity from a culture still figuring out what healthy manhood looks like in the 21st century.

The Interconnected Journey

Here's what we're learning: liberation isn't a zero-sum game, but it is interconnected. Women's freedom has created space for everyone to be more authentic, more whole. But transitions are messy, and we're seeing that freedom for one group doesn't automatically translate to wellbeing for all.

As women who have benefited from feminism—whether we're mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, friends, or mentors—we have an opportunity to extend the same care and intentionality that went into our own liberation toward helping the boys and young men in our lives navigate this new landscape.

This doesn't mean stepping back from our own progress or making ourselves smaller to accommodate fragile masculinity. It means using our hard-won wisdom and strength to help raise a generation of boys who can find purpose and meaning without diminishing others, who can embrace authentic versions of masculinity that serve them well—whether they grow up to be partners to independent women, loving husbands to men, devoted single uncles, childfree adventurers, or something else entirely.

Redefining Success and Manhood

Redefining Success and Manhood for a New Generation

The beautiful truth that women's liberation has revealed is that there are countless ways to live a meaningful life. Just as women have learned we don't need to be wives and mothers to be valuable, boys need to understand that their worth isn't tied to traditional masculine achievements or life milestones.

Some of the boys we're raising will grow up to be loving partners in heterosexual relationships. Others will find love with men. Some will choose to remain single and build rich lives centered on career, friendship, and community. Some will become devoted fathers, while others will be the beloved uncle, mentor, or friend who enriches the lives of children without having their own. Some will express their gender in traditionally masculine ways, while others might find themselves somewhere different on the spectrum of identity.

All of these paths can lead to fulfillment, contribution, and joy. Our job is to help boys understand that their value as human beings is inherent, not dependent on conforming to narrow expectations about who they should love, how they should live, or what roles they should fill.

Raising Boys Who Can Thrive in Any Life They Choose

So how do we do this? How do we help boys become men who can flourish authentically, regardless of what path their lives take?

We start by modeling what healthy self-worth looks like. Boys need to see examples of people—women, men, and others—who derive their sense of value from their character, contributions, and authentic selves rather than from external validation or traditional role fulfillment. They need to witness lives that are rich and meaningful in diverse ways.

We teach emotional literacy early and consistently. For too long, boys have been conditioned to hide their emotions and view vulnerability as a sign of weakness. This approach leaves them ill-equipped for intimate relationships and mental health challenges. As women, we can help by providing safe environments where boys can express their emotions freely and develop healthy coping mechanisms. In certain European cultures, empathy is included in school curriculums.

We help them find purpose through contribution, not just provision. Although providing financial support to others is important, it should not be the only foundation of male identity. We can guide boys to find purpose through creativity, service, personal development, caregiving, community building, and many other paths. Their value is not dependent on being "needed" in conventional patriarchal roles.

We challenge toxic masculinity while celebrating authentic masculine and feminine qualities. There's nothing inherently wrong with strength, courage, protection, or leadership—however, these traits aren't solely masculine, and they should be expressed in ways that don't depend on others being weak. We can teach boys that genuine strength encompasses gentleness, true courage involves vulnerability, and the most effective leaders elevate those around them. Boys should never be made to feel embarrassed for playing with dolls or wearing makeup.

We involve them in domestic life and emotional labor from the start. From a young age, boys should be taught that the responsibility of maintaining relationships, households, and communities belongs to everyone. The goal isn't to mold "perfect partners," but to nurture individuals capable of self-care and meaningful contributions to any shared environments they join. Household tasks shouldn't be gender-specific. Everyone should participate in doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, and doing the laundry.

We normalize diverse expressions of love and family. Boys should be raised with the understanding that love manifests in various ways—romantic relationships between individuals of any gender, profound friendships, chosen families, and fulfilling single lives intertwined with community. They need to recognize that there is no hierarchy in love, and no single path is better than the others.

Normalize Diverse Love

The Mentorship Imperative

Every boy needs adults in his life who can help him navigate the journey to healthy manhood. This is particularly crucial for boys growing up with patriarchal male role models. As women who understand both the importance of independence and the beauty of authentic connection, we're uniquely positioned to offer guidance.

We can share our own stories of growth and self-discovery while helping them write their own. We can listen to their fears and uncertainties without trying to fix everything, while offering wisdom gained from our own struggles with identity and purpose. We can celebrate their achievements while holding them accountable for how they treat others.

Most importantly, we can help them see that women's liberation—and the broader expansion of human possibilities it represents—isn't a threat to their wellbeing. It's an invitation to their own freedom. When women no longer need to be rescued, boys are free to pursue authentic relationships or meaningful solitude. When success is defined broadly, boys can find their unique paths to contribution. When love is recognized in all its forms, boys can pursue whatever connections truly fulfill them.

Beyond Traditional Expectations

One of the most radical gifts we can give boys is permission to opt out of traditional life scripts entirely. Not every boy will grow up wanting marriage. Not every man will want children. Some will find their greatest joy and purpose in career, creativity, service, friendship, or spiritual pursuit. Some will discover that their authentic selves don't fit neatly into traditional gender expressions.

This is particularly important as we raise boys in a world where the pressure to "settle down" and "be a provider" remains strong, even as these expectations may not align with their authentic desires or circumstances. We can help them understand that a life lived authentically—whether that includes romantic partnership or not, children or not, traditional gender expression or not—is a life well-lived.

Building Men Who Make the World Better

The goal isn't to create a generation of boys who merely tolerate expanded freedoms or who perform equality while resenting it. It's to raise men who genuinely contribute to making the world healthier, safer, and more beautiful for everyone. Men who respect consent and do not assault women.

This means helping them develop secure relationships with themselves first, emotional intelligence, and a sense of self-worth that doesn't depend on anyone else being smaller or less free. It means teaching them that their masculinity—however they choose to express it—can be a positive force in the world without requiring anyone else to be diminished.

Whether they grow up to be loving partners, devoted single people, caring fathers, nurturing uncles, creative artists, dedicated teachers, or community leaders, the world needs men who approach their roles with authenticity, compassion, and a commitment to everyone's wellbeing.

Raising better Men as a Community

The Future We're Creating Together

The airplane metaphor holds true: we put on our oxygen masks first not out of selfishness, but so we could be strong enough to help others when they need it. Now that women are breathing freely, we can extend that same care and intentionality toward raising the next generation of boys—not to serve women's needs, but to thrive as whole human beings in their own right.

This isn't about sacrifice or stepping backward. It's about using our strength to create a rising tide that lifts everyone. It's about recognizing that when boys grow up with a full range of possibilities before them—partnership or solitude, parenthood or chosen family, traditional paths or innovative ones—they become men who contribute to a world where everyone can flourish.

The future we're building together is one where boys grow up knowing their worth is inherent, their paths are numerous, and their authentic selves are welcome. It's a world where the next generation learns from both our struggles and our victories to create something even more beautiful—not just partnerships between free women and healthy men, but communities where all people can breathe deeply and live fully as themselves.

Our oxygen masks are secure. Now we can help the boys around us learn to breathe, discover who they really are, and find their own meaningful ways to make the world better for everyone.

Let's teach the next generation of boys to breath

I want to conclude by sending positive energy to all the courageous parents sending their children to schools in the USA. Parents shouldn't have to worry about whether their child will return home each day.